tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post1375810721118868560..comments2023-05-23T08:24:07.623-07:00Comments on The Ink Loft: Flash Fiction–In His EyeRachelle O'Neilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02884513979937452569noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-7592880199303509702015-03-30T21:43:58.288-07:002015-03-30T21:43:58.288-07:00Thanks, Leanne! I'm glad you liked it! Hmm, yo...Thanks, Leanne! I'm glad you liked it! Hmm, you may have a point on the ending. I might extend it into a short story, which would enable me to make the transition smoother. Rachelle O'Neilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414561666549371254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-22139126464982878082015-03-30T20:26:32.474-07:002015-03-30T20:26:32.474-07:00I really like this! Its so wonderfully real, I can...I really like this! Its so wonderfully real, I can almost feel the wind and the rain. :) The only part was the ending...from going to blacked out and pain to the sunshine was a tiny bit jarring, but I did like the ending too. Hope and all that :) Lovely story!! :)Leannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01044373635100656803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-89273055715637521612015-03-28T17:13:59.333-07:002015-03-28T17:13:59.333-07:00Thank you, Liv! I really appreciate your commentar...Thank you, Liv! I really appreciate your commentary, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)<br /><br />I tend to want things explained, so I felt it would seem odd with no explanation of how she got stuck in the middle of a hurricane. At the same time, you're right: it does feel a bit odd in the narrative flow, and I wasn't particularly happy with that section. Maybe something this short just doesn't need that much explanation. Hmm, I'll have to think about it. <br /><br />*grins* Well, that's what it was supposed to do! ;)<br /><br />You're very welcome! I love doing these. And I'm glad my thoughts were helpful!Rachelle O'Neilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414561666549371254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-51888687253884342492015-03-28T15:26:35.718-07:002015-03-28T15:26:35.718-07:00Nice work, Belle. Your descriptions of pain and co...Nice work, Belle. Your descriptions of pain and confusion drew me into the narrator's mind really well. I particularly liked the line, "I'm bent nearly as much as that tree. Surely I'll break." It seems symbolic of the process of survival.<br /><br />Because I was entirely swept into the 'foggy' beginning of the of the story, the details regarding TV, and a smartphone startled me. Although it explained the circumstances, I don't know whether it added to the story as a whole.<br /><br />On the good 'startled' side, we have the eye of the hurricane line, which gave my heart a fearful jump! :)<br /><br />Thanks for organizing this, as well as your helpful critique on my story!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03974386534950471519noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-26448887113235215962015-03-27T15:28:19.777-07:002015-03-27T15:28:19.777-07:00Thanks so much, Rayne! I'm glad you enjoyed it...Thanks so much, Rayne! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :) Rachelle O'Neilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414561666549371254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-29214387044770649672015-03-27T15:25:02.765-07:002015-03-27T15:25:02.765-07:00Whew! Riveting. I love your gritty descriptions o...Whew! Riveting. I love your gritty descriptions of the pain the narrator's in. They're not terribly graphic, but you definitely convey the fear and pain in the situation. Well done! Emmarayn Reddinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15906735934810971194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-13010662257020993112015-03-27T15:16:35.656-07:002015-03-27T15:16:35.656-07:00Hello, Ally! Thank you so much for stopping by and...Hello, Ally! Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! I really appreciate it, and I love meeting new people. :) <br /><br />Your thoughts are definitely helpful. I'm glad you enjoyed it, overall. Your points about the "though" sentences and the questions are great for me to hear. I greatly appreciate honest critiques!<br /><br />I'm so glad you like it! Thank you very much for your input! As for the next challenge, I'll definitely be doing another one. I just don't know when, yet. Probably around June or July. The best way for you to keep up with it would be to follow me. :) Then you'll be sure to get in on the next challenge. I'd love to have you join us! Rachelle O'Neilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14414561666549371254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1050645680221973601.post-5044851260625691742015-03-27T15:06:52.700-07:002015-03-27T15:06:52.700-07:00Hello! New visitor here. A couple of bloggers I fo...Hello! New visitor here. A couple of bloggers I follow did your flash fiction challenge, and I had to check it out!<br /><br />I really like the pacing of this piece. It's suspenseful; it leaves us with questions. I think the strongest points are the beginning and the end. You started off with a sentence that immediately hooked me. And you ended it with a bang. Good job!<br /><br />A couple of things I would change. Here: "I’m not home, though.<br />I should run, find safety. I’m not sure my legs work, though." You use 'though' at the end of two sentences that are really close together, so it doesn't flow as well. Maybe start one of those sentences with 'but' instead of ending it with 'though?'<br /><br />Also, you almost put a stop to story sometimes, when you have your character stop to question things. Like, "How did that get there?" "Wait, am I bleeding?!" "What else can I do? Won’t anyone see me?" and a few other instances. They all work FINE, but I think having her questions things <i>that many</i> times tends to slow the story down. Instead, you could have her take immediate action, state something as a fact instead of a question, or whatever.<br /><br />I hope that was helpful. I really enjoyed this, and would definitely read more! And I like the the idea for this challenge. Will there be another one I can participate in? <br /><br />Ally @ <a href="http://thescribblingsprite.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">The Scribbling Sprite</a><br />TheScribblingSpritehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14594958277392976297noreply@blogger.com