Learning to Embrace the Hard Things

 Over the last year, I’ve developed a habit of starting my day by writing down something I’m grateful for from the previous day. There are days that I’m not able to get to it (toddlers are, unfortunately, not the most predictable at all times), but I have tried really hard to put myself in that mindset each morning.

I really struggle to see the good sometimes, so I need the reminder that, even when everything about the day felt awful, there was something good about it.

And, by the grace of God, I’ve always been able to find something.

Anyway, with yesterday being Thanksgiving, I decided to make a longer list. I didn’t get through everything, by any means (again, toddler). But I realized something as I came to the end of it.

I want to be grateful for the hard things in my life.

I have really struggled recently through the many daily challenges of raising a small human. It’s been frustrating and exhausting. And I’m not proud of my reactions to everything.

But I also feel like God is teaching me something. Hard times are where sanctification happens; they are where we grow, if we let it happen.

I’ve been reading a book in my moms’ group called M is for Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood by Abbie Halberstadt. And I truly believe God is using it to change my life. I’ll probably talk about it more fully once I finish it, but for now I just wanted to highlight what she says about this topic. She has a lot of good nuggets about embracing hard things.

“He will absolutely give you more than you can handle – of both joy and pain. He might pile on the trouble so heavily you feel you will suffocate beneath its weight (I’ve been there). Conversely, he might slather you so thickly with joys and yesses that you’re fairly dripping with a goodness you know you don’t deserve and could never repay (been there too). Both are blessings. Both are ways that reveal his callings to us. Both require us to shuffle forward with tiny steps of faith and outstretched palms of gratitude.” (p. 54)

“Moment by moment, day by day, ‘precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, there a little' (Isaiah 28:10 ESV), we catch glimpses of the ways in which the Lord is molding us into his likeness. There is no shortcut, and there is no generic formula. We must choose to trust in his goodness and be willing to let him tear away at our rough shell until our true skin is revealed, vulnerable and pliable – and bearing the marks of his grace.” (p. 55)

“But I have learned that doing hard things, tedious things, needful things, is, in itself, a reward at times.” (p. 72)

“The Lord taught me through episodes of tears and frustration, and sometimes outright clench-fisted fit throwing, that the first thing I needed to train in myself was my reliance on him.” (p. 100)

I think we get it in our heads sometimes that life as a Christian will be easy. And Jesus does say, in Matthew 11:28-30,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

But he also says, in Luke 9:23, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” And in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble.”

I don’t think we’re ever promised an easy life as Christians. And definitely not as mothers. I don’t think I went into parenthood expecting it to be easy. But I definitely thought I would be a lot better at the things that it turns out I struggle with.

That struggle of “I want” versus “God wills” is the key to human experience, honestly. And I find it to be such an important key to this season in my life. Struggles are part of this time. Hard things are just par for the course. Toddlers are hard. But am I going to keep railing against what’s hard, or am I going to submit my will to God’s and let Him teach me something?

The latter is what I want. So I’m choosing to be grateful for the hard things:

For the opportunity to learn patience when my daughter says and does the same thing over and over and over.

For the opportunity to trust God when it feels like she will never behave.

For the opportunity to learn joy in the midst of frustration and to choose gentleness instead of anger.

I can’t say that I feel grateful in the moment. I’m not even to the point of looking at the day and being grateful for the hard parts. For now, I’m choosing to be grateful because I know God is faithful. I know this is a season of growth. And I know I will look back and be grateful. So, even when I don’t feel thankful, I’m going to act myself into a new way of feeling.

And I will just have to keep trusting God to make it true.

Have you tried to be thankful for the hard things? I’d love to discuss it in the comments!

Thoughts from Philippians and Colossians

Continuing with my journey through Paul's letters, here are some thoughts from Philippians and Colossians. For more context, watch the Bible Project's overview videos here and here. 

Phil 1:9-11 "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ..."

As Christians, we are supposed to be as innocent as doves and as wise as serpents. Thus, our love should not be empty-headed. Instead, as we love God, we should grow in discernment and knowledge of Him, which enables us to love others more fully. I really love this picture of how love should look, too. Especially in close relationships like spouses and families, we should desire for our love to abound in knowledge and insight.

Phil 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."

Paul was saying specifically that whether he lived or died should not change the Philippians' behavior. Our conduct should not be based on circumstances but rather on Christ.

Phil 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others."

Christ does not call us to look out only for ourselves. Instead, He gives us an incredibly countercultural message to let go of ourselves, to lay down our rights, to seek unity with God's people, and to love everyone. This feels easy sometimes, but most times it's very hard. We have to lay down our own pride, our desires, our me-first attitudes. But, if we will submit it all to Jesus, He will give us His heart for others. We just have to be willing. 

Phil 2:14-15 "Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, 'children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.' Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life."

Stand firm. Love God, love people. Seek unity. Don't complain or argue. Over and over again, Paul emphasizes these concepts. This is the church I long to be a part of. More importantly, this is the person I long to be. I want to walk in His ways. I want to seek unity, to love others above myself, and to live in joy.

Phil 3:7-8 "But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for Whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage..."

Phil 3:13b-14 "...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Neither past accomplishments nor past failures should have a hold on us. Without Jesus, nothing we do is worth much; in Him, our sins are forgiven. Thus, we can press forward in God's strength.

Phil 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice!"

Such a simple directive, and yet we lose sight of it so easily. I lose sight of it so very easily. We depend on circumstances to be happy, yet true joy comes from knowing Jesus. So I can rejoice always, because He is always with me.

Phil 4:12-13 "...I have learned the secret of living content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Him Who gives me strength."

I have not yet learned this secret. It is the contentment I desire. I have been very blessed with my husband's job. We have plenty, and I don't feel a strong pull to need more. But I do worry sometimes about having less. It scares me sometimes. Yet I know that God has always provided, in every stage and season of my life. Our God takes care of His people. I have seen it, and I can trust in that.

Col 1:3-5 "We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God's people - the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven..."

Paul had never met the Colossian church, but he was encouraged by their faith. I want my faith to be evident and an encouragement to others. The Colossians, too, grasped what the Gospel meant, that they now had an eternal hope in heaven. And that hope created in them faith and love.

Col 2:6-10 "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ. For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority."

This makes me think of that old song, "Just like a tree planted by the water, I shall not be moved." I want to be like that tree, deeply rooted in Jesus and His Word, growing in Him and strengthened by Him.

And if we are rooted in Christ, then we don't have to get caught up in man-made philosophies and regulations. We have true freedom in Christ. I want to embrace that in action, not just in mind. My study note says, "Take some risks - God will guide you. Give more generously - God will supply. Love more freely - God will energize you. Say 'can do' more often - God will amaze you."

 Col 3:12-14 "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."

Col 4:5-6 "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

This is such an important reminder. In general, we should not be brash and combative with either fellow believers or nonbelievers. We certainly should never be unkind or use filthy language. Our conversations should be full of grace and seasoned with salt. What potent imagery that is! Because, on the flip side, we don't want to be mice, tiptoeing around every opportunity to say anything of substance. We don't want our words to be so bland that they have no impact, but we also shouldn't be so salty that people spit us out.

I found each of these books to be dense with great insights and practical application, though each is fairly short. I look forward to reading them again with a new perspective. What have you been studying lately? I'd love to hear about in the comments!

October's Reads: Historical Romance

So, I intended to write and post this last Friday. But I was sick, and things just got a little out of hand. Anyway, in October, the genre I was supposed to be reading was Historical Romance. This is definitely a favorite of mine, and I really enjoyed the books I read last month.

I started the month by reading An Hour Unspent by Roseanna M. White. This is the third book in her Shadows Over England series, which, like all her books, is fantastic. 

(From Roseanna's website)

Once London’s top thief, Barclay Pearce has turned his back on his life of crime and now uses his skills for a nation at war. But not until he rescues a clockmaker’s daughter from a mugging does he begin to wonder what his future might hold.

Evelina Manning has constantly fought for independence, but she certainly never meant for it to inspire her fiancé to end the engagement and enlist in the army. When the intriguing man who saved her returns to the Manning residence to study clockwork repair with her father, she can’t help being interested. But she soon learns that nothing with Barclay Pearce is as simple as it seems.

As 1915 England plunges ever deeper into war, the work of an ingenious clockmaker may give England an unbeatable military edge—and Germany realizes it as well. Evelina’s father soon finds his whole family in danger—and it may just take a reformed thief to steal the time they need to escape it.

I loved this book! I really can never find anything bad to say about Roseanna's books. She creates such rich characters and settings. I thought the theme in this one was particularly striking. 

I also read two of Roseanna's other books. I reread The Number of Love, the first book in her The Codebreakers series. 

(From Roseanna's website)

Three years into the Great War, England’s greatest asset is their intelligence network—field agents risking their lives to gather information, and codebreakers able to crack every German telegram. Margot De Wilde thrives in the environment of the secretive Room 40, where she spends her days deciphering intercepted messages. But when her world is turned upside down by an unexpected loss, for the first time in her life numbers aren’t enough.

Drake Elton returns wounded from the field, followed by an enemy that just won’t give up. He’s smitten quickly by the too-intelligent Margot, but how to convince a girl who lives entirely in her mind that sometimes life’s answers lie in the heart?

Amidst biological warfare, encrypted letters, and a German spy who wants to destroy not just them, but others they love, Margot and Drake will have to work together to save them all from the very secrets that brought them together.

The heroine in this story, Margot, is a very different person than me. She lives in a world of numbers and logic and has little tolerance for the "nonsense" outside that bubble. Yet she never comes across as cold. I love the way she is written; I could still relate to her even though we're totally different people. I liked the message, too. The description speaks to life's answers lying in the heart, but it's not in a wishy-washy Disney way. It's a real, grounded, biblical way, and I thought that was awesome. 

Book 2 in that series, On Wings of Devotion, is one I bought recently and hadn't yet made time to read.

(From Roseanna's website)

All of England thinks Major Phillip Camden a monster–a man who deliberately caused the deaths of his squadron. But he would have preferred to die that day with his men rather than be recruited to the Admiralty’s codebreaking division. The threats he receives daily are no great surprise and, in his opinion, well deserved.

As nurse Arabelle Denler observes the so-dubbed “Black Heart,” she sees something far different: a hurting man desperate for mercy. And when their families and paths twist together unexpectedly, she realizes she has a role to play in his healing–and some of her own to do as well.

This lived up to my hopes! Great characters, an interesting plot, and really fascinating details (in the first book, too) about the inner workings of Room 40, the hub of British intelligence during World War I. I have the third book in this series, A Portrait of Loyalty, on hold at the library, so I'm excited for that one to come in.

The last (and only non-Roseanna White) book I read last month was Chasing Shadows by Lynn Austin.

(From Lynn's website)

A story of three women whose lives are instantly changed when the Nazis invade the neutral Netherlands, forcing each into a complicated dance of choice and consequence.

Lena is a wife and mother who farms alongside her husband in the tranquil countryside. Her faith has always been her compass, but can she remain steadfast when the questions grow increasingly complex and the answers could mean the difference between life and death? 

Lena's daughter Ans has recently moved to the bustling city of Leiden, filled with romantic notions of a new job and young Dutch police officer. But when she is drawn into Resistance work, her idealism collides with the dangerous reality that comes with fighting the enemy.

Miriam is a young Jewish violinist who immigrated for the safety she though Holland would offer. She finds love in her new country, but as her family settles in Leiden, the events that follow will test them in ways she could never have imagined.

The Nazi invasion propels these women onto paths that cross in unexpected, sometimes-heartbreaking ways. Yet the story that unfolds illuminates the surprising endurance of the human spirit and the power of faith and love to carry us through.

After three books set during World War I, it was a nice change of pace to move forward about 25 years. I really liked the characters in this book, and I was very interested in each of their stories; I didn't find myself wishing to get back to a different character than I was reading about in that moment like sometimes happens with multiple viewpoints. Books about war are always tricky, because there's that balance of how much do you show of war's evil. I felt like some of that was slightly missing from this book - the gravitas, perhaps. Which is weird, because it wasn't all rosy. I think she approached the subject seriously and included consequences and danger. And I was clearly compelled, because I finished the book very quickly. I think I subconsciously compare most WWII books to the Zion Covenant series by Bodie and Brock Thoene. I freely admit that those are much too intense for some people, but they do a great job of showing the evil of the Nazi regime without getting too lost in it. So perhaps I was doing some comparisons deep in my brain; I don't know. 

I also spent much of the book comparing the Dutch resistance to Nazi occupation with the Norwegian resistance. Side note: I did a paper on the latter during college, and I remember reading comparisons to the Dutch resistance, which was significantly more overt. Some historians say there was no resistance in Norway. I disagree, but I'm getting off topic. Anyway, I found myself comparing along the way while I read this book. So, I don't know if that rambling made any sense, but I did enjoy this story. 

So those were my reads from October. What have you been reading lately? I'd love to hear about it in the comments!