Learning to Embrace the Hard Things

 Over the last year, I’ve developed a habit of starting my day by writing down something I’m grateful for from the previous day. There are days that I’m not able to get to it (toddlers are, unfortunately, not the most predictable at all times), but I have tried really hard to put myself in that mindset each morning.

I really struggle to see the good sometimes, so I need the reminder that, even when everything about the day felt awful, there was something good about it.

And, by the grace of God, I’ve always been able to find something.

Anyway, with yesterday being Thanksgiving, I decided to make a longer list. I didn’t get through everything, by any means (again, toddler). But I realized something as I came to the end of it.

I want to be grateful for the hard things in my life.

I have really struggled recently through the many daily challenges of raising a small human. It’s been frustrating and exhausting. And I’m not proud of my reactions to everything.

But I also feel like God is teaching me something. Hard times are where sanctification happens; they are where we grow, if we let it happen.

I’ve been reading a book in my moms’ group called M is for Mama: A Rebellion Against Mediocre Motherhood by Abbie Halberstadt. And I truly believe God is using it to change my life. I’ll probably talk about it more fully once I finish it, but for now I just wanted to highlight what she says about this topic. She has a lot of good nuggets about embracing hard things.

“He will absolutely give you more than you can handle – of both joy and pain. He might pile on the trouble so heavily you feel you will suffocate beneath its weight (I’ve been there). Conversely, he might slather you so thickly with joys and yesses that you’re fairly dripping with a goodness you know you don’t deserve and could never repay (been there too). Both are blessings. Both are ways that reveal his callings to us. Both require us to shuffle forward with tiny steps of faith and outstretched palms of gratitude.” (p. 54)

“Moment by moment, day by day, ‘precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, there a little' (Isaiah 28:10 ESV), we catch glimpses of the ways in which the Lord is molding us into his likeness. There is no shortcut, and there is no generic formula. We must choose to trust in his goodness and be willing to let him tear away at our rough shell until our true skin is revealed, vulnerable and pliable – and bearing the marks of his grace.” (p. 55)

“But I have learned that doing hard things, tedious things, needful things, is, in itself, a reward at times.” (p. 72)

“The Lord taught me through episodes of tears and frustration, and sometimes outright clench-fisted fit throwing, that the first thing I needed to train in myself was my reliance on him.” (p. 100)

I think we get it in our heads sometimes that life as a Christian will be easy. And Jesus does say, in Matthew 11:28-30,

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

But he also says, in Luke 9:23, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.” And in John 16:33, “In this world you will have trouble.”

I don’t think we’re ever promised an easy life as Christians. And definitely not as mothers. I don’t think I went into parenthood expecting it to be easy. But I definitely thought I would be a lot better at the things that it turns out I struggle with.

That struggle of “I want” versus “God wills” is the key to human experience, honestly. And I find it to be such an important key to this season in my life. Struggles are part of this time. Hard things are just par for the course. Toddlers are hard. But am I going to keep railing against what’s hard, or am I going to submit my will to God’s and let Him teach me something?

The latter is what I want. So I’m choosing to be grateful for the hard things:

For the opportunity to learn patience when my daughter says and does the same thing over and over and over.

For the opportunity to trust God when it feels like she will never behave.

For the opportunity to learn joy in the midst of frustration and to choose gentleness instead of anger.

I can’t say that I feel grateful in the moment. I’m not even to the point of looking at the day and being grateful for the hard parts. For now, I’m choosing to be grateful because I know God is faithful. I know this is a season of growth. And I know I will look back and be grateful. So, even when I don’t feel thankful, I’m going to act myself into a new way of feeling.

And I will just have to keep trusting God to make it true.

Have you tried to be thankful for the hard things? I’d love to discuss it in the comments!